1. Church history started when your church was founded 30 years ago.
2. “Sacrament,” “Advent,” “liturgy,” “sola fide,” creeds, catechisms, and all other Latin-sounding words are Roman Catholic.
3. The early church opposed infant baptism.
4. Augustine was Roman Catholic.
5. The early church used a variety of instruments in public worship.
6. Beginning in the 3rd century, the whole church was corrupted, without exception, because all of them practiced infant baptism.
7. Altar calls were practiced by the apostles.
8. The medieval age was a dark age of dumb people and endless wars.
9. No one wanted to reform the medieval church until the 16th century Reformation.
10. The 95 Theses was your pastor’s doctoral dissertation.
11. John Calvin is a boy with a pet tiger.
12. Martin Luther was the black guy who said, “I have a dream.”
13. Calvin was the dictator of Geneva.
14. A confession of faith is done by sinners before a priest.
15. The doctrine of predestination was invented by cults.
16. Tridentine is about a delicious gum.
17. On human free will, Rome’s doctrine is opposed to contemporary evangelicalism’s doctrine.
18. Covenant theology was invented by Luther to justify infant baptism.
19. Infant baptism was invented by Catholics.
20. Charles Finney was one of the greatest theologians in history.
21. The Secret Rapture and the two peoples of God—the church and Israel—were taught in the early church.
22. Charles Spurgeon hated Calvinism.
23. Missionary pioneers in the 16th-19th centuries were not Calvinists.
24. Evangelicalism started in the 1970s.
25. T.D. Jakes, United Pentecostals, Apollo Quiboloy, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Iglesia ni Cristo were the first to deny Christ’s divinity and the Trinity.
But please, no Wikipedia.